This was the title of a post I was going to write...ugh...a few
weeks ago. Didn't mean to wait this long to post again. I can’t keep up with my
thoughts...as in, I can’t type all the ideas that I think of before I've thought of something else, and the time it takes to type it all when I can keep
up...well, it just takes forever. (What I've written so far has already taken a
stupid amount of time, and I haven’t even said anything.) There’s also the
problem that when I do get around to typing something, the idea no longer seems
that profound to me.
But I’ll try now anyway...
Ok, conflicted...
Failed again. Now it’s been months since I sat down to write this
post. And I have more to be conflicted about. Ugh! So, originally, what I was
conflicted about was what I might have to do to establish myself back home in
the US. I alluded to it in the first post.
Basically, my idea was...(I usually don’t like to tell my plans
until they happen, but since one of the new things I’m conflicted about is that
my plan might not work out anyway, I’ll just go ahead and tell)...to work a
couple years to save up for a downpayment on a rental property. Buy a place, rent it out, collect rent, while I
work another couple years to save for another place, rinse and repeat until I
have passive income and don’t have to work (or at the very least don’t have to
rely on work nearly as much).
What didn’t sit well with me is that to accomplish this plan, I’d
not only have to buy a house/apartment from someone who got kicked out of
theirs, but I’d have to be a rental property owner and collect rent from
someone who might like to have their own home.
Hmm...as I write this, it doesn’t sound that bad...the latter, I
mean. People are pretty used to renting. I’ve rented plenty and have been fine
with it.
Maybe it’s not being a rental property owner in and of itself
that bothers me, but the fact that it isn’t a dream of mine. I’m just looking
at it because I can’t see any other way I’ll be able to retire.
Again, this sounds funny as I write it because I know there are
probably plenty of people who also see no way to retire and don’t see my plan
as a viable option for them.
But see, this is what bothers me, too (I said “bothers” this time
because I keep saying “conflicted”). I mean, I shouldn’t worry or concern
myself about what other people are doing or what their problems are. I gotta
get what’s mine, right? It’s just...I’m less bothered about getting what’s mine
if I think other people are getting theirs...or at least are able to. Like when
I teach English overseas...there are a crap load of these jobs, so when I get
hired, I really don’t feel like I’m taking someone else’s job.
Maybe this just a personal problem and why I never feel like I
get anything. Somehow, I feel like I’ve written before about learning to be more selfish. <--- Ok, I have...way back in Season 3.
It may be moot anyway, because my new conflict is that the
inexpensive foreclosures are all but gone and it’ll take more of a downpayment
for rental income to offset mortgage and other expenses. The other problem is
now that I’m close to having a downpayment, I really don’t want to put it into
a place I won’t be living in. And the rinse and repeat I mentioned above would
be in two year increments. About a six year plan to get three places, two to
rent out and one to live in. Making a long term plan when I was younger was
fine. But now each year that I plan for the future, at the expense of the
present, is excruciating. I just keep thinking, fine, I’ll plan for the future,
but what am I doing for the time being?
When I first came to Korea, my plans had blown up in my face. So
I stopped planning and enjoyed the present. And a lot of good came out of it.
But somehow I couldn’t stay there. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.
Maybe that’s a good place to stop for now.
